Silence and Trust

“Silence is golden.”  So goes the refrain of the song.  I wonder if the silence being sung about is just a request to shut up and stop with the noise pollution?   Or is the silence one of not speaking out what we need to say in the way we need to say it so that we don’t hurt someone else’s feelings?  Remember the adage “Bite your tongue!”  Maybe it’s the silence of allowing space and time and flow so that what is important has the necessary optimum conditions to make itself known to our hearts.

As I write this, it amazes me how much noise I find to be ‘needful’ in my life.  I speak to myself.  The television set is on one room away.  The TV set is on as I go to sleep.  It’s as if I need the noise of other voices to let me know that I am not alone.  I wonder what is so scary about being alone with my thoughts but without noise?

As my sister reminded me, I know silence to be a most powerful force of expression in declaring mySelf. And it is as easy as pressing down on the delete button of my computer or turning off the TV set.   However, I have to want to do that.

I wonder if silence, breathing into mySelf — Being silent — does it all distil itself into one big issue?  Trust.  Do I trust myself?  Do I trust that I know my truth?  Do I trust that there is only my truth?  Do I trust that there is genius in what is going on for me right now?

I’m still young in this process of getting to know mySelf.  I’m 62 years old and yet I’m only young when it comes to knowing who I am.  I’m only young in stepping into the grandeur of my godforce.  Recently my niece sent out an email to a wonderful collective of women of which I am more simply by being a part.  She wrote of Hope where Hope means that I am free.  I can choose the life and create the experiences I want.  And I am free to not choose if that is what I want to do.  And I am free to experience life which does not require an all or nothing at all stand.  Hope is knowing that life is not full of dichotomies.  Hope is knowing that as I step into experiences which celebrate the shining, immense, creating godforce that I know myself to me I do not need to leave anything or anyone behind.  Hope is choice.  Hope is knowing throughout all my energy systems that I AM.

There may be some who read what I write and wonder: “If she knows this, why does she question what she knows?”  As I said, I am still young in getting to know the ME I have always been but have not consciously known.  For me, writing helps me to process and get clear.  There is in me a need to write.  I know that what I write about may start as one thought and, as I write, this may segue into more thoughts and interconnections. In that, as my writing transforms which transforms me, there is genius.  I’m trusting this process which is so unlike anything which has happened for me before I started to awaken.  Like Sleeping Beauty, I am awakening to a whole new world.  As I engage in conversations with mySelf and with others, I am giving voice to what has always been inside me waiting to be known.  And as I engage these conversations, I find myself being totally present and listening with my full intention.  So, there exists silence in these conversations.  Silence so that I can hear and be fully engaged.  Silence so that I can respond authentically.  Silence so that I can be myself and tell the truth.

Silence is trust.  Silence is lack of fear of being alone.  Silence is knowing that I am not alone.  Silence is knowing that I AM.  Silence is knowing that I AM MORE.

Sometimes the waves of emotion and realization and awakening coming through me make me very tired. The unawake me wouldn’t know what was going on. The just-beginning-to-get-it me would want it to stop. The manifested me knows and is coming to accept that the waves [with or without content] are good things. I do come out the other side of what is moving in me changed and transformed and even more present to myself and to the world I intend to continue to create.