Where do I begin to tell about my Decloaking experience? The year and a bit just after I retired, from 33 years of teaching had been ugly. Nothing that I had thought I would be able to do worked out. Everything became a trial. I was always angry. Nothing felt right or comfortable. Then I had a talk with my niece who had done Decloaking and CODE Model Training. I found myself crying and I didn’t know why. And I wanted to throw up. That was typical for me. I had reached to point where I would throw up violently on average three times a day. And my niece asked me, “Auntie Jeanie, what is it that you can’t swallow anymore?” And it hit me hard – I wasn’t able to use food to pack down my emotions anymore. I wasn’t able to talk myself into ways of coping that had always worked before. And I decided almost immediately that it was time, now, [not 2 years ago when my sister first suggested that I do this, but now] for me to experience Decloaking for myself.
So I made the arrangements, got everything together, and went. I decided to go to Nova Scotia for this experience. I knew that I had to be away from my comfort zone. Now, for me to decide to do this on my own is very big. I don’t like traveling on my own. I don’t like not knowing what to expect. I hate the thought of being lost. So – to face those fears is still a big thing. It told me how important going to do this for myself really was.
Decloaking is not like any ‘course’ I had ever taken. Being a retired teacher, I’m used to expecting handouts, and lectures, and practice scenarios. I’m used to timed content delivery where the information is delivered in a specific order controlled by the course conductor. I’m used to strategy driven courses which teach me ‘how to’ do something. Would this course be like that? Strategies to ‘fix’ myself?
Meeting in a chalet on the top of a hill in Nova Scotia told me that what I was about to experience was not going to resemble any ‘course’ I had every taken before. Yes, there is ‘content’ but how it is presented to the participants in this program is not fixed. It evolves from the discussions, and questions, and realizations and lives of the participants there.
Decloaking is an experience like no other. A group of women meet for an intimate and beyond intense opportunity to change themselves from the inside out. We are all present to each other and to ourselves for five days. The women who facilitate this are not Buddha on the mountaintop. They are guides on the side. They are fully present to everyone there. They guide and mentor, listen, honor, provide space, time, and a safe place for each participant to begin her own process of Decloaking.
So what did I gain from Decloaking? A safe place to let my emotions out — those emotions which I had tried so hard to manage and control and tamp down all my life and which were choking me and making me beyond sick. There was no judgement from anyone there. No one told me that it would all go away. No one told me that it was all in my head. No one told me to shut up or to go away when my emotions got messy. What I received was the gift of a group of seven other women who honored what I was feeling and who gave me the space to feel all of it. And I didn’t feel embarrassed by the intensity of my emotions.
A transformative experience. Yes, it was therapeutic but it was not therapy. There was no one trying to analyze what I said to help me see what it might mean. There was no one there whose intention was to ‘fix’ me. The only true therapist there for me was me. I was and continue, even a year later, to be my own healer.
I was aware of an immediate sense of connection to the power which I hold and have always held but which I had learned to distrust. In those five days, I had the wonderful gift of being able to meet myself on a quantum cellular level. It felt like I was at my own re-birth.
I know that I am not the same woman I was before I went toNova Scotia. I cry when things move me. I get angry when things provoke me. I laugh lots. I’m not embarrassed by my emotions anymore. I notice things around me more. I listen more intently. I’m more present to my world but, most importantly, to myself. And it continues – sometimes I notice changes in me in dramatic ways, sometimes the fact that something has changed strikes me quietly and after the fact.
Decloaking was and is the best thing I’ve every done for myself. It was the beginning of a new world – of a world of my creation. My journey continues through each question I seek answers to, each conversation, each discussion, each connection I make with other powerful godforces. Each time I breathe into what I’m feeling, keep myself in the tough conversations [especially with myself], trust that I am CREATOR – every time that I move forward knowing that I know what is best, that life is about creating and not reacting – every time I remind myself that I am awake and not numb, my life changes in that instant.
For any woman who engages in Decloaking, be prepared for change. And don’t be afraid of change. Know that you are stronger and more powerful than you might have ever thought you could be. Be open for whatever moves in you as you listen to your body. Know that you are safe. Know that you are honored. Trust the process to unfold as it chooses to. Let go and you will find who you truly are. You will be transformed.
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