I remember making Christmas lists as a child.
Not too long ago, I heard a discussion between the host of a radio show and a man who is a player of Aussie Rules Football. This man also writes children’s books. He read something that he wrote for his daughter last year – his Christmas wish list for her and him together. I remember making Christmas lists as a child. I even remember mailing one to Santa Claus. When I was very young, my lists always had things on them. Things I thought I wanted and which were not needful and necessary. My best friend, who was an only child and the only grandchild, always got so much for Christmas – pretty things and toys and games. I’d look at her haul and feel jealous. I mostly got undies and pj’s and things I needed. When I was a teenager, my mother owned that she would have lists for my sisters and me of the clothing we had which what was worn out or outgrown and needed to be replaced. Then, we’d get these as ‘presents’ at Christmas.
As I listened to that radio show, I was very moved and began to consider what I really want for Christmas now. I could, like Miss Congeniality, wish for world peace which is a nice idea. And, while I would like to see all people treat each other with care and concern and compassion, that’s not what’s on my Christmas list. So, Santa (and that’s me!), here’s my grown-up Christmas list.
For Christmas and for the rest of my life, want friends and family around me.
I want to know that I belong to my own tribe. I want laughter and joy, good conversation and comfortable silence. I want community. I want opportunities to do things that interest me. I’d like those opportunities to be easy. I want to be able to share myself with others without holding any part of myself back. And I want to know that people feel safe with me so that they can share themselves with me. I want to live in a space that I’ve created and which is a deep representation of who I know mySelf to be. I want to be surrounded by things which give me joy for their beauty and the memories of people in my life who’ve meant so much to me whether they are still in my life or not. I want all of my family to be happy and healthy. I want my sister who’s had a stroke to know that her life, no matter what her physical limitations might be, has reason and purpose. I want to be silly and playful and let the expression of my innocence have the scope it wants. I want to not betray myself anymore. I want to say what I need to say when I need to say it and to feel safe to do that. I want to honour mySelf always. And I want to forgive myself for choosing mySelf over what has been entrained in me about how I should live my life.
It is a list of things for me to be mindful of as I move forward.
This seems to read like a New Year’s Resolutions list. Only it’s not that. It’s not a list of things which I won’t do or which I will stop doing or which I will start to do. It’s not a list of my shortcomings that I will try to overcome. It’s not a list of things I should apologize for. It is a list of things for me to be mindful of as I move forward. It is a list of hope and anticipation.
As I’ve read this, I am so aware of how much ‘I’ there is in this list. I can hear myself as I used to be [and sometimes still am] telling myself that I’m so selfish and that being selfish is a very bad thing. And I know that as I continue to evolve into the I AM that I was meant to be and have always been deep inside, I’m not being selfish. The more of ME that I bring to my world, the brighter and more expansive my world becomes.
And as it is like that for me, so it is and will be that way for everyone who is on my holodeck.
Merry Christmas, everyone and especially ME! Ho! Ho! Ho!